Peer Review- Laura Nash

Hi Laura,

May I just say what a fascinating piece of writing you have produced. I really love how you have taken Judith Beveridge’s ‘How to love Bats’ and changed it to tell the story of something you love, Wolves. I really admire the form and style in which you have chosen to write. I recall Judith saying how young writers tend to end their lines at the natural grammatical breaks, however, poetry enjoys the break that comes unexpectedly. I can see that you have in fact adopted this in your writing and I emphatically believe that in doing so, it makes your poem so much more engrossing as you eagerly wait and question the ending.

I really like how you have also incorporated auditory and olfactory imagery into your poem. “Listen to the crunch of leaves” and “Stop to smell a buttercup.” This helps the reader create an image in their mind and allows them to feel like they are part of the story.

Your ability to describe the wolves, their mannerisms and the environment in which they roam so eloquently are what really makes your poem so fantastic, “blood loving tongue lolling” is just one example that stood out to me.

There was only one tiny grammatical suggestion I found in your poem which was in the line “Listen, guttural how of longing, domination and belonging.” Your sentence here contains a series of three or more words, phrases or clauses so you can consider inserting a comma before ‘and’ to separate the elements.

Apart from that tiny pickup, your poem was fantastic and you should be very proud of this piece.

https://lauranash1.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/how-to-love-wolves/

Peer Review – Rachelle Lanappe

Rachelle,

This is such an engrossing piece of writing. What beautiful language you have used to bring your story to life. “His touch is similar to a cat’s tongue, scratchy like sandpaper, yet not utterly repulsive either.” I particularly love this line as I can imagine the feeling of this man’s hand if I were to shake it myself.

The only critique I would make is to just be aware of your word choices and grammar. For example, in the sentence “a few old and tattered books was all my heart needed to see”, the “was” should be replaced with were. I think just reading over what you have written before you post it is a simple and effective way to reduce these sorts of mistakes.

Well done!

https://rachelle358095736.wordpress.com/2018/10/01/week-9-4th-blog-creative/

Peer Review- Nina Carrasco

Hi Nina,

 

May I just start by saying what a truly wonderful and nostalgic piece you have written.

Before I had even finished reading your sonnet, I had pieced together that your beloved you had delightfully written about was, in fact, your mother. This is a heartfelt piece that emotionally appeals to the reader as it reminds them of their own love that they share with their mother.

 

The poem flows nicely, and I really like your choice of rhyming couplets. Your opening line “I see someone who looks like me” is an effective setup for the rest of the poem. I can really see through your precise and emotional choice of wording how much your mother means to you and what a profound influence she has on you, “They are beautiful in every part”, “I feel a love never felt before.” I also liked how you referred to your mother as your best friend, I think that is a beautiful inclusion and highlights the deep love you feel for her.

 

Your title “Beloved from the beginning” is a wonderful choice that demonstrates how your love for your mother is an everlasting and unconditional love. (As a side note I also loved the photo you included). I believe you have created imagery as fiery as Charles Harper for example “A hint of grey with lines throughout the face” and have effectively captivated the reader through your sentimental style of writing.

 

As I read this piece I interpret it as if it is from the viewpoint of a young child that is admiring the beauty of their mother as nurturer and carer. This child reflects upon the fact that “this world is like a zoo”, however, their mother will be there to guide them through whatever adversities they may face.

 

This was a great blog Nina and I am looking forward to reading other pieces.

https://ninaengl.wordpress.com/2018/09/23/love-beloved-from-the-beginning/comment-page-1/#comment-14

Peer Review-Isabella Woodley

Hey Bella,

I really enjoyed reading your interpretation of Sidney Nolan’s “First class marksman” and what you thought it was saying about Ned Kelly’s status in the 20th Century. I think you have delved quite deeply into the painting and have highlighted some really interesting points. I like how you have interpreted Ned Kelly to be an isolated figure through the black amour against the delicately painted landscape. You have also highlighted how the armour is a flat shape and how this contributes to Ned Kelly being the focus of the painting. I think this is an excellent and observant point to have made.

The only improvements that I think could be made are perhaps in the sentence, “The contrast of the dark outlines of Ned Kelly against the sparse green trees and cloudless sky effectively depict the contribution of Ned Kelly to Australian landscape.” You could perhaps delve into what contribution Ned Kelly actually made to the Australian landscape. I feel like you were onto a good point and I would have loved to hear more.

There were also some simple grammatical mistakes such as in the sentence highlighted above you should have put “the contribution of Ned Kelly to the Australian landscape.”
You can consider the word drought-stricken to be hyphenated.
Also, in the sentence “The qualities of Kelly in the painting such as the wide eyes, and skinny arms” appears to have an unnecessary comma in a compound object.

Apart from that, I thought it was an interesting read and I enjoyed hearing your interpretation of this artwork. Good job!

https://bellawoodley.wordpress.com/

Peer Review- Julia El Azzi

Julia, this was an insightful and educational read on the Stigma surrounding Indigenous Australian women. I like the examples you have chosen, such as the story of comedian Trevor Noah. Though upsetting, it was also eye-opening and complemented the article well. I also liked the use of media such as photos and the use of quotations to engage readers and highlight your research.

I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your opinion on the topic, and how this article affected you as a female. As I was reading your blog, feelings of dolefulness and anger were radiating through the page. I think to be able to sense your passion and feel your emotions drove me to really connect with the article and helped me to sympathise with the Indigenous Australian women.

The only critique I had was to perhaps elaborate a little further on some of your points. For example, you said, “We must find a way to further emphasise their [Aborginal Women] importance in our society”. Maybe you could suggest a way in which the importance of Indigenous Australian women can be emphasised.
Apart from that, I thought it was a fascinating first blog.
Good job!

https://juliaelazzi.wordpress.com/2018/08/26/the-stigma-surrounding-aboriginal-women/