Blog 1-Safety Bay

It’s nostalgia I taste every time the sea salt kisses my lips.
Reminding me of the time when dad’s shoulders seemed like the highest place in the world and stealing chocolate biscuits from the cupboard was my greatest sin.

Together we sat, watching the pelicans float in the wind.
We could hear the seals shuffling their big, brown bodies through the sand and see the dolphins playing like children so close to the shore, we swore we could touch them.

The sea breeze felt cold as it caressed my face. I closed my eyes and swore I could feel your icy hands holding me, cooling my sun-kissed skin.
I hear the quiet crashing of the waves as the water greets the shore like a houseguest.
I trace the footprints you left behind in the sand and they lead me back home; to Safety Bay.

When you left, I thought the Bay would too.
But as the sun begins to submit to the moon and her orange rays tickle the water’s surface one last time, I see you there. Your silhouette sparkling as you dance in between the islands along the horizon’s edge.

***

Above me a pelican floats, I hear the shuffling of seals along the sand and see the dolphins playing childishly near the shore and I realise, nostalgia never tasted so sweet.

 

10 thoughts on “Blog 1-Safety Bay

  1. Well done Lili!

    Your use of romantic language and imagery really captures the reader and allows the respondent to empathise with your writing.

    The juxtaposition between the warm, welcoming imagery of the beach to the sorrowful underlying message places the reader in a position that reminds them that the bitter can accompany the sweet.

    My only critique would be that in the third paragraph it jumps between present and past tense. in saying that, it still flows quite well.

    Other than that minor detail, I really enjoyed reading this, great work Lili.

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  2. Choosing to write this as a poem was a brave choice for your first blog, Lili! I really like the imagery and emotions created in this blog post. You paint a very personal portrayal of the Bay, giving an insight into something you probably don’t share with many. The fact you chose to write on a place called Safety Bay and also express it as a place where you feel safe is clever and helps to encapsulate the overall feel of the poem. The sense of longing and remembrance is powerful, especially with the switch of tone in stanza three. I like that you created a through line by linking the words taste, nostalgia, pelicans and dolphins from the beginning of the poem to last stanza. Using senses like hear and see really places the audience in your shoes. 

    One criticism is that I wish you had stuck to the same rules for all the stanza’s, like the first two. Whether changing this was intentional or not, I felt it would had strengthened the poem and helped with bringing the audience into the world you have created. I also feel that the separation between the fourth and fifth stanza takes away from the poem and makes the last stanza feel like an afterthought. 

    Otherwise I think you did a great job for your first blog and poem! 

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  3. Hi Lili,
    First of I would like to say I was extremely impressed by this entry. Your descriptive language, packed with subtle yet significant writing techniques makes this a very enjoyable read. From the alliteration of “big, brown bodies” to the personification of the sun, you had my full attention

    You have eloquently made it clear that the landscape is important to you, and through your words describing its beauty, I almost feel nostalgic myself. The bittersweet tone and emotive expression did well to achieve a relevant piece.

    Some aspects, though scarce, that could be improved include the quick shift from third person to first person. Also some punctuation errors such as a full stop after “Above me a pelican floats”.

    Other than that I thoroughly enjoyed this and look forward to what else you have to come!

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  4. This is a fabulous entry Lili- well done! your language really brings the event/ your memory to life. One question, most URLS in wordpress end with “.wordpress.com” can you explain why yours ends in “.home.blog”?
    Editing Needed (and some workshop follow-ups- see Purdue Owl for help: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/section/1/
    * dads shoulders = dad’s shoulders [‘s or s’ – Apostrophe- if there is a meaning of ownership ( the boy’s apple/ the boys’ apples) then you need an apostrophe. See http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/621/01/. But don’t use apostrophe s for normal plurals!!! ]

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  5. Hi Lili,

    I just want to start by saying thank you for sharing your beautiful and very personal poem, I can really feel the emotions you put into your words.

    The way in which you have described the landscape and scenery so poetically, gives me the sensation that I am actually there. Your vivid and personifying descriptions give the reader a truly amazing experience, allowing them to feel like they are going on a walk through time, from childhood to present, a feeling of true nostalgia, which is something you have successfully created.

    Your poem gives life to the earth and highlights our connection to the land. The language you have used embodies the scenery and celebrates its amazing qualities.

    The lines that resonated mostly with me was “I trace the footprints you left behind in the sand and they lead me back home; to Safety Bay.”, it epitomises the idea that we are one with the earth and that we never truly leave it. Our spirit continues to exist even after death, and the memory of the ones we love, is forever imprinted in our hearts.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dear Lili,
    I love your whole website. It is very inviting and your blogs are so interesting. I especially enjoyed reading the one about your favourite place. When reding this blog I totally understood why you loved being at this beach. I can imagine how your days at this beach were like; looking at pelicans and dolphins. It sounds wonderful. I was impressed that you shared with us the reason why you loved this place so much and that you also talked about your experience of loosing a person and your fear of loosing this place too. I was very touched by this part. Thank you very much for sharing this piece. I am looking forward to read more of your blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

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